18 Years and...

he can still surprise me!!!!

My crow and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary this past weekend. We don't generally make a big deal out of our anniversary. No gifts. No fancy dinners. Just a quiet "happy anniversary" and keep moving on.

But, this year, we took the time to be together for a couple of days. We don't get much time as a couple (or as a family for that matter) anymore what with living in two houses and never seeming to be in the same one at the same time!

So, we were out for lunch over the weekend and he suddenly puts this on the table.

I was gobsmacked! Stunned! Speechless! 

Seriously. I think my mouth hung open for at least a full minute! (And, let me tell you, me speechless is not an easy thing to do!!!!)

A present on our anniversary?

And, not only a present, but one from Pandora? (Yes, I knew it was from Pandora without even opening the box!)

My hubby does not like Pandora. Thinks it is a trend that will end (he's probably right but I'll still have the charms and all they mean to me when the trend ends!) and costs WAAAAY too much money (again, he's probably right but don't tell him I said that!)

So, I open it up and find, not one, but TWO charms!

Wowzer!!!!

And...he tells me he picked them both out and then tells me why!

Double Wowzer!!!!

This one (which is called Journey) he picked out to symbolize the journey we have been on together for all of these years and the journey still to come. Aaaaahhhhh!



And this one...


(which is called Gift From The Heart.) he picked because it is actually a little box that opens up and has a small diamond ring inside it. Like an engagement or wedding ring. He thought it was ironic since I don't wear my wedding rings and neither does he.  

I love them both! Then we went back to the store to buy a clip because they had a deal on that would give me a free bracelet bangle if I spent another $30. 

Spend another $30? No problemo!

I added this clip...


called You're a Star because stars have special meaning to us. The star helps me to remember that love can triumph over adversity and that together we are better than we are apart.  

And...now I have a new bracelet bangle coming to me soon! They were sold out so I have to wait a little bit. 

But, hmmmm....a new bangle means...more charms!!!!

Good thing he has already proven to be a romantic who is willing to buy charms for me because it makes me happy since I have a feeling he's going to be visiting the Pandora store a lot more in the future!

Cheers!

Olwyn

Somehow last week just slipped right by me....

It was a bit of a weird week because I spent more of it at my own house than at my mother's. I had a bit of a cold going on and didn't want to make her sick so spent the last 5 nights at home. It was soooo weird! I actually woke up on Thursday with absolutely no clue where I was! It was the most discombobulating feeling!

Anywho, thought I'd share something not mother or school related today.

Amazing, right?

I have taken my sewing machine over to my mother's with the hope of being able to use sewing to fill some of the hours up there.(I'd love to say that every hour is filled with the joy that is living at my mother's but, alas, I can not. She really isn't much into talking these days and there are only so many game shows I can watch without wanting to scream in agony!!!!)

So, I started a quilt that is made up entirely of old fabrics and sheets that I have been hoarding or that I found in my mother's linen closet. I know, I know, I shouldn't have just helped myself to her linens but she doesn't remember that she owned that old white sheet with the holes in it much less care about it!!!

I am making my take on a modern quilt to go on our bed. It helps a little (or maybe not!) to know that I love white interiors. My ideal house has lots of white. White furniture, white walls, white linens, white, white, white. With pops of colour coming from the art or the odd painted piece of furniture. Weird, I know, since I never wear white but I do so loooooove it in a room. 

So, I've cut different width strips of fabrics that are all in the white or off white family and sewn them together. Then I got my mum and daughter to help me brainstorm words that are important in life. Words that convey what we all want: family, love, laughter, patience, cheer, happiness. You get the idea! And then, I got out my red thread and started free sewing the words on to the strips. I am loving how it is turning out!

Can't wait to see it all done and on our bed!

Cheers!

Olwyn

Looking Towards the Sun

On Valentine's Day last week, I received so many wonderful goodies and notes of love from my lovelies. I felt very spoiled!

Even my daughter's cat, Simon, got to enjoy the goodie box! (Couldn't manage to get a pic when his head was IN the box though!)

But, I have to say, that the note I found from one of my class parents tucked into my Valentine's box, touched my heart like nothing else in the box and, really, like nothing else in a long time.

Not a note from a parent about their child. But a note from one person to another.

She wrote to me about my writings on this blog about my parents.

It was a simple note that I didn't realize I needed until I read it. 

A note of understanding.

A note of encouragement.

A note of caring and love.

And it truly meant more to me than I can possibly express.

Earlier in the evening, on Valentine's Day, I was walking to the bus when the sun came out of the clouds and hit the treetops just so. I was struck by it and stopped to take a picture.

It seemed that the tree was glowing with fire. This picture really doesn't do it justice. The sky was grey and formidable. The day rather dreary (even with it being the day of romance and all!) weather wise.

It was one of those moments where I, quite literally, was stopped in my tracks. 

It was one of those moments when I just know that there is a rhyme and reason to life (even if I can't figure it all out!) and that all will be okay. I am not a very religious person but it was a spiritual moment for me. I don't know why. It just hit my heart.

So, what does all this have to do with the lovely note from the mom in my class? Well, in her note she told me that she hopes and wishes that I "will look towards the sun and not the shadow."

Goose bumps or what?

Here I am being struck by the sight of the sun overpowering the shadow of the gray day while carrying (unbeknownst to me) the note in which this parent has written those words to me. 

Here I am having this moment of calm in the storm and these words are just quietly waiting in an envelope in my bag.

A message I needed to hear. A message delivered to me not just through the words of this parent but through the universe itself. 

A simple but strong reminder to keep having faith. To keep believing in the positive. To keep remembering that the love others give me makes me stronger ( Here is where I am once again beyond lucky to have the job I have. How many other jobs consist of getting love every day, all day from 23 lovelies? I have enough love to be as strong as Superman!!!!) To keep trusting that the love I feel in my heart will be enough to get me through. 

So, a simple thank you. For your words. For the message.

I got it. Message received. Soft and clear.

Thank you.

Ms. Hughes

Be Grateful

It has not escaped my notice that the life I am living with my mother these days greatly resembles the work I do with students every day. Only in reverse.

Teaching is really a slow building up of expectations as students are capable of accomplishing at greater levels. An example of this is with my Daily 5 program. The students first learn the expectations for read to self. Then, I model it (A LOT!) at the carpet and, only when I am sure they all understood what I want, do they begin to practice reading. And, even then, we only begin with 3 minutes. When they can do that, I upp it to 5 minutes and so on and so forth until they can read independently for 20 minutes. If they forget the expectations, we go back to the beginning and relearn it all.

Basically, as their cognitive abilities grow, so do my expectations. It is like that with my mother. But in the opposite direction. My expectations have to lessen as her cognitive abilities diminish. 

It is a very weird place to be. I have devoted my adult life to the practice of teaching and learning. I am used to looking for growth not diminishment.  It is a really tricky thing to know when her abilities no longer let her do certain tasks independently. If I mistake her ability level it can lead to her being frustrated or angry. I don't want to baby her and do things for her that she can do for herself and, yet, at the same time, I don't want to expect something from her that she is no longer capable of doing. 

I first noticed it with the coffee maker. I never really thought about how many steps my brain has to remember and accomplish to create a cup of coffee from a drip machine. I learned at my caretaker's workshop that there are roughly 27 steps to making coffee. Whoa!

Then I noticed it with bathing. If she says she's going to take a bath, she inevitably forgets that she intended to take a bath by the time she reaches the top of the stairs. But, even if she did recall that she intended to bathe, she doesn't seem to remember how to run a bath. So, it makes no sense for me to get upset at her for not bathing. I have to lower my expectations to meet her abilities. If that means running her the bath and making it a pampering experience (versus a "you can't do it for yourself" experience) then that is what I need to do.

So, what does all this have to do with feeling grateful  (as the post title suggests). Well, I realized the other day that I can choose how I feel about my mother and the disease that is now taking her away from us. 

I can be angry and sad that she is no longer the woman I once knew. I can be frustrated by the things that seem so simple to me but that she can't do independently. I can be grumpy and resentful about all the changes in my life since we took over her care before Christmas. 

OR...(and this is a big OR)

I can suck it up and say I'm sorry for doing whatever transgression she thinks I've done (because what is more important? Being right or having my mother calm and happy?) I can choose to spend more time at her house than mine and be happy about it. I can be grateful for the opportunity to cook her a meal and share it with her. I can be grateful for the sound of her voice talking to me and the feeling of her arms in a hug. I can be grateful for being given the gift of another day with my mother. I can choose to be grateful for each day that passes where she still knows who I am. 



So, on this Family Day holiday, I am choosing to be grateful for every single second that I get with the woman who brought me into this world. I know that there will come a day when she can't do much of anything for herself. There will come a day when she won't even know who I am. There will come a day when the woman I knew as Mum is no longer with us in a way that we can see or understand. I refuse to spend my time being angry over that (though I can't lie, there have been a couple of moments where I just felt so tired and sad about the whole disease and what it has done to my Mum and my family, but I refuse to let those moments define me)  and, instead, am choosing gratitude.

What are you choosing?

Olwyn

Pinned it...Now do it!!!!

This is my new motto for all of the recipes that are on my pinterest recipe board. 

I have pinned A LOT of recipes over the past months. Lots of main courses but also lots and lots of deserts. I'm not sure why I pin so many them...I don't even eat desert regularly! And I don't eat gluten! They just look so gosh darn good,  I guess!

Anywho, I have decided that I am going to try to make one recipe per week this year. It will hardly put a dent in the number I have pinned but at least I will know if I like the way they taste or just the way they look on pinterest!!!!

Anyone who knows me, knows I don't really like to cook. It doesn't help that I literally have a 14"x 20" amount of counter space to cook on in my very, very tiny kitchen at home. The space is the size of a cutting board. (I'll have to take a picture one day to show you just how small my kitchen really is!)

But, now that I am at my mother's house half the time, I have a large kitchen at my disposal with a gas oven. Yay! 

So, the plan is to cook at least one thing from my "Recipes to Try" Pinterest board each week. I am here for dinner most nights (even the nights I don't sleep here) and have Saturday evenings and Sunday mornings to cook as well. 

I should be able to do this, right?

Right!

(Just keep saying that and I might eventually believe you!!!!)

So, this past Sunday was recipe testing session #1 from the board. I decided to try something that would be useful this first week back to school.


I pinned this awhile ago because it looked so good! It is from the Healthy Foodie and is called Portable Western Omelets. The recipe comes from a cookbook I have never heard of but that sounds interesting called Primal Cravings.

I changed some of the ingredients so I could use what I had on hand. Instead of ham or prosciutto, I used bacon. And I didn't have spinach so used eggs, mushrooms, scallions, green pepper and parsley. They turned out like this:

And I am happy to announce that they are also very, very tasty! I individually wrapped and froze the omelets and have been taking them to school. They microwave up perfectly and are very yummy! And they fill me up until recess. 

I am calling this first effort a huge success!!!!

Now, what to make this coming Sunday?!?! Hmmm...

Stay tuned...

Currently....January 2014

It is that time again...

The beginning of a new month...and a new year, this time!

I am linking up with Farley over at Oh Boy, Fourth Grade for this month's Currently.

listening...I have W network playing in the background. There aren't very many channels on the tv upstairs at my mother's house and most are playing afternoon soaps (not my thing at all!) but I like to have background noise while I work on the computer. So W channel it is!

loving...I bought a box of specialty hot chocolates and today was just the day to have one. It isn't super cold out but I wanted the coziness of a comfy sweatshirt and hot chocolate!

thinking...of school...and what I am going to teach next week. It is Back to Basics Boot Camp in my room starting Monday (that means REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW of each and every routine taught in first term!!! And after the review it is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE all the routines over again!)... okay, is it bad that I think about work on my vacation? Probably! But, I can't help it. I love my job!!!!

wanting...I have started running again and need new running shoes...PRONTO! My wonderful class gave me a VISA gift card for my end of term/Christmas gift. It is off to the running store for new shoes (and maybe a new top or two) for me!

needing...so, we have been living in two houses for 3 weeks now. So far, so good. No major meltdowns from me or my mother!!!! Anywho, over vacation we have been going from house to house without much of a set schedule. It works fine for my hubs to decide on the day of if he's sleeping at our house or at my Mum's. But...it sooo doesn't work for me! I like to have a schedule and knowing where I am going to sleep each night is one of the things that I need scheduled! So, next week we are going to have to figure out a set (well, semi-set, as life can be unpredictable!) schedule so that I know where to have what clothes, what food is in which fridge, etc. etc. etc.

memory and/or tradition....there are so many things about the Christmas season that I love and enjoy. But, this year, by far my favourite memory is of my good egg singing on facebook. Watching her father's face as he watched her video is pretty darn close, too. He can be pretty hard to read sometimes but there was no way to misread the tears of love in his eyes as he watched his daughter sing. It was beautiful!!!

And, there you go...my January 2014 Currently...

What are you up to...currently?!?!

Ms. Hughes 

Hope you all had a...

holly, jolly Christmas!!!!

Okay, okay...I know that Christmas has come and gone and that we are now well into the swing of Boxing Day/Week.

Hmmm... Boxing Week....(does that seem as weird to you as it does to me? How did one day become a week?!?! And when did it become about getting more for ourselves and not about giving to others?!?!)

...but I am at my own house for the first time in days, with my own computer and my photos saved on the hard drive, so I want to post a few Christmas-y things.

My Christmas was quite lovely really.

As many of you know, we are now living in two houses. We spend time at our house and, are also simultaneously, living with my Mum. My daughter says it is kind of like divorced families where the kids go back and forth between houses but, in our case, it is the adults who go back and forth!!! (Well, we sleep there the most, but the good egg does sleep there at least 2 nights a week. Thank you!)

My good egg and I did up our Christmas tree a few days before the big day. It used to be that we would put lots of basic ornaments on it but now that she is 17, we mostly put her ornaments on! I started buying an ornament (or 2) a year for her when she was born. Each ornament signifies something about her life over the previous year. She now has a very large shoe box filled with ornaments about her life. She pulls them all out and organizes them chronologically and we enjoy a trip down memory lane as she puts each one on the tree. It is something I look forward to doing with her each year (her dad is a wee bit Scroogey and doesn't do the tree with us!)

Some of her ornaments are childhood memories of favourite shows. While others are of things like taking skating lessons or learning how to play the violin. One is of a woman singing and symbolizes the years she spent in choir. This year we added two new ornaments to the tree. Both from Disneyworld this past summer.  One day she will want to take the box of memories away with her to put on her own tree and I am not so sure that I am going to be able to let her!

                                    

So, as is our tradition, we spent Christmas Eve in our own home. Our little family of three has a tradition of eating a picnic in front of the Christmas tree and then opening all of our gifts to each other afterwards. The menu never varies. Shrimp cocktail, crackers, cheeses and pate. Simple and easy. Oh, and wine...can't forget the wine!

 This year, we had a real fireplace for the first time...ever! It was really, really lovely to sit and enjoy a glass of wine (a red given to me by one of the parents in my class AND my first sip in 10 days as I finally, finally finished the second round of penicillin for my now gone strep throat!) and open the gifts my hubby and daughter had gotten for me.

One of my favourite gifts  is the Pandora charm my good egg got for me. It is this one...

and has matching hearts that go together to make a bigger heart. On one heart it says mother. On the other it says daughter. I love it!!!! The thing I love about the Pandora charm bracelets is how each charm acts as a visual reminder of something or someone near and dear to me. I can look down on my wrist and literally count my blessings.

Then we headed back to my Mum's house and slept there. We had a lazy morning with my sister and brother (with their children) coming over around 2pm for an afternoon of gifts and family time. Then off my brother went to continue with his Christmas and the 6 of us left had a turkey dinner. I let myself eat wheat (how could I turn down my sister's homemade stuffing?!?!) and, unfortunately, suffered for it. Oh well. Live and learn, right? I have not been very good about being gluten free over the last week or so and, boy howdy, can I ever tell! It is back on the straight and narrow for me!

Mum did very well over the holidays, all things considered. This was the third Christmas without Dad here in person. Plus, she had her 83rd birthday two days after Christmas. When you add the stress of the holidays to all the moving out, moving in and cleaning that has been going on around her house the last two weeks, I am amazed that she has held up as well as she has. There were a few tears here and there but, overall, I think that she enjoyed the time spent with family.

I know it is very hard for her to get up and continue on each day knowing my father is no longer with us physically. I just wish that she could feel him all around us the way that I do. He is here as much as he ever was, just in a different way. I know because I see signs of him all the time.

And on that note, I am going to say a belated Merry Christmas to all. I hope that your loved ones were with you as mine were with me (both in person and in spirit!)

Cheers!



It really does not seem that long ago that I sat in the staff room at work talking about pregnancy and then about preschool before moving on to issues of childhood. We talked about date nights and breast feeding and how we never got any sleep with a baby/toddler in the house.

I am only a few years older than some of the teachers who are new parents and, yet, I feel worlds away from them in many ways. Where they are talking about pregnancy and newborns, I find myself talking about elderly parents and caregiving. 

I suppose in some ways I am fortunate that I had my daughter young. Unlike some of my peers who are going to be dealing with young children and elderly parents at the same time, I have only had to deal with one or the other. (Not that I am not still dealing with parenting issues - 17 year olds can be very emotionally demanding!)

Today I am off to the hospital with my siblings to attend a meeting about my Mum. She has been going for assessment two days a week for three months. Today we find out what the complete diagnosis is (I know it is dementia but am unsure how far along the continuum she is) and suggestions for future care etc.

I don't often talk about my personal life on here. There are so many other exciting things to talk about that are going on in the classroom! But, every once in awhile, I think it is valuable to be reminded (and remind others) that while I spend the majority of my time planning, teaching and caring for other people's children, I do have things going on in my own life that occasionally take precedence. 

And, while parents of the students in my class are primarily concerned with how their child is doing (as they should be), I hope that they understand that in and amongst all of the lessons and teaching and everything, their children bring me joy and take me to my happy place. 

When I feel overwhelmed by my mother's decline in mental health, when I miss my father desperately or when my heart is breaking for my 17 year old (who has had her heart broken), I know that I can walk into my classroom and be filled instantly with joy and love and caring. I feel so blessed to have the job that I have. I know, I know, I've said that before but I really mean it. How many people go to work each day and get hugs and smiles and laughs? Not many, I would guess. 

And so, while I am not really looking forward to this morning's meeting at the hospital, I know that no matter what happens, I can walk into my class this afternoon and feel happy. Thank you for that, my lovelies!

Ms. Hughes

A Walk in the Sunshine

Progress on the sick front!

I had to walk the dog today and went for a 20 minute walk (thank goodness it wasn't raining!) and came home still feeling human. Yay!!!!

Prior to today, if I tried to do anything (like walk the dog) I came home and needed to take a nap. So...progress!!!!

And, as it is such a beautiful, sunny day, I couldn't help but snap a few pics. This is my very favourite time of year. Trees in rich colours, a nip in the air and the sun shining. (It's not my favourite time of the year so much when it is raining!!!)

Enjoy!

And my wonderful hubby cut A LOT of wood while I was home sick. This is just the tip of the wood pile! We have a working fireplace for the first time EVER and it is already getting quite a work out. I am loving it!

I am actually feeling like doing something other than sleeping! Maybe some school planning?!?! It feels like I have been away forever!!!! 

Looking forward to seeing all my lovelies tomorrow, giving (and getting) lots of hugs and feeling that sense of place I get in my classroom. Everyone should love their job as much as I do. Being sick and forced to stay away from work only makes me that much more grateful for all that I have in my job. I am truly blessed!

Cheers!

Ms. Hughes

Thoughts on birthdays and daughters...

 

Seventeen years ago this past Thursday, I found myself at Women's Hospital giving birth to my good egg. She has been a blessing, sometimes a trial but, mostly, a joy in my life. I can not imagine life without her. She is the light. She is hope for the future. She is more than I ever imagined she would be.

Being her mother has brought out the best in me and the worst in me. It has been a ride that I never expected or anticipated filled with many high highs and more low lows than I would have liked. Yet, somehow, we have managed to make it through the lows, enjoy the highs and come out into a new phase in our mother/daughter relationship.

I am starting to really enjoy this new phase. We are beginning to connect with each other on a more adult level. Not to say we don't have moments of teenage (or adult!) angst but, overall, we are becoming friends with each other.

This shift in our dynamic is very welcome. Especially when juxtaposed with the relationship I now have with my mother. As her dementia slowly progresses, I find that being with her is more like what it used to be like with my daughter when she was little.

Lots of questions. Instead of the wonder and curiosity in the "Why? Why? Why?s" of toddler hood, it is the "Where are my glasses? Where are my glasses? Where are my glasses?" short term forgetfulness of dementia.

Having no concept of dangers around her. Instead of chasing after running toddler legs before they run into the street, it is holding the arm of the elderly lady so she can cross safely.

Never wanting to change clothes. I remember a time when my daughter refused to wear anything but one particular dress for days, weeks, months (well, it felt like months). Now it is my mother who keeps insisting she has no clothes (even though she bought 8, count them 8, new t-shirts on our trip to Disney)! and keeps wanting to wear the same t-shirt from 1986.

If one is to look at life from the perspective of the glass being half full (which I tend to do the majority of the time!) there is a lovely balance to how relationships with children and parents reverse themselves over time, I suppose.

When my daughter was young and needy, my mother was there to lean on. Now, my mother is old and needy, and my daughter's shoulder is right there to hold my weight. Thank goodness!